Paying the Tab

I realize I sound a little old fashioned for saying it, but aside from special circumstances, the man should always pay the bill on the first (or first few) dates. That being said, times have changed, so you can do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Certainly, if you’ve been dating for a while, if you’re already married, or if you’re just going out as friends, you probably have your own rules about who pays and how often. 

Here I’m referring to initial dating. As a rule, if you can’t afford to take her out, you shouldn’t ask her out, or you should be creative at finding an inexpensive way to entertain her.

So what if she wants to pay? Well, you thank her for being considerate, but make sure you take care of the tab or plan a date you can afford. Why? It’s as basic as our DNA. Males are expected to provide for their mates and their families, and males who fail to do so are not respected.

It starts innocently enough. She offers to pay the tab and you let her. So what if on the next date, as the server drops the tab, she offers to pay again? If you let her, you’ll keep your money, but you’ll begin losing any respect she may have ever held for you. She might never say a word about it, but it will happen.

If she’s a woman of quality, she knows there are other men who are perfectly willing to provide for her. And what about that awkward day when you think she’s got it, she thinks you’ve got it, but neither of you have it? So why does a woman offer to pay the tab in the first place? Well, some do it out of a sense of fairness. They’ll insist that you shouldn’t always have to pay the bill just because you’re the man.

The reasoning is sound, and these women are precious, so make sure they understand you appreciate the offer, but take care of the bill. Other women, especially those who really like you, rationalize that if they pay the bill half the time, you can go on twice as many dates. But more is not always better, and woman-as-provider changes the dynamic of the male-female relationship.

And what does it say about you as a man if you’re willing to let a woman pay your way? Finally, there are women who, like some men, use money as a tool to create a form of dependence as a means of control. Whatever the motivation, you have to stick to your guns.

Live within your means, even if it means you have to be creative or go on fewer dates. Not only will she respect you, but you’ll maintain your own self-respect.